In the lunatic world of crypto, where the absurd becomes the everyday, we have a new contender for the most outrageous spin of the bullshit wheel: Galaxy Digital’s attempt to dismiss rumors that a $9 billion Bitcoin dump was driven by quantum computing fears.

Their PR puppet show was all too quick to quash the narrative that this mega-trade had anything to do with quantum computers. Their "researchers" – a term I use with the most profound irony – want us to believe that this was not a panicked reaction to a sudden tech terror attack. But let's crank up the dial on our bullshit detectors, shall we?

Galaxy Digital, the brainchild of ex-hedge fund manager and all-round crypto poster child, Mike Novogratz, would have us believe that the digital equivalent of Fort Knox got emptied without them batting an eyelid. Sorry, folks, but in the unforgiving world of crypto trading, where every Satoshi counts and sudden market fluctuations can wipe out fortunes in seconds, that's about as likely as a paper airplane surviving a hurricane.

And then we have the quantum computing aspect. Now, quantum computers are the stuff of nightmares for the crypto world. Why? Because they promise to crack open the encryption at the heart of digital currencies, rendering the blockchain’s safety protocols about as useful as a chocolate teapot. If a functional quantum computer was unleashed on Bitcoin, it would be the equivalent of putting the Mona Lisa on eBay for a dollar.

So, when rumors started to circulate that a functioning quantum computer had been developed, you'd have to be denser than a collapsed star not to see the connection between that and a $9 billion Bitcoin dump.

Of course, Galaxy Digital's spokespeople, or more accurately, their professional liars, are busy working their smoke and mirrors routine. They say the quantum link is pure fabrication, a myth, a conspiracy theory. But let’s look at the track record, shall we? This is the same company that lost $272.7 million in 2018 and another $33.5 million in Q1 of 2019. It seems losses are just part of their business model.

In the unforgiving landscape of Bitcoin trading, companies don't just dump $9 billion worth of cryptocurrency without a damn good reason. And Galaxy Digital's reassurances that it's all business as usual, that there's no link to quantum computing fears, are as hollow as their profit reports.

The truth is that Galaxy Digital's rush to deny the quantum link is as transparent as a pane of glass in a hall of mirrors. It's a desperate attempt to keep the Bitcoin bubble afloat, to shore up investor confidence, and to delay the inevitable crash that will come when quantum computing finally pulls the plug on the crypto dream.

But hey, let’s give them credit where credit's due. If there's one thing Galaxy Digital is good at, it's losing money. So, who knows, maybe they've just found a new and innovative way to hemorrhage another few billion.

In conclusion, there's an old saying in the world of finance: "If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it probably is a duck." Well, Galaxy Digital, you can call your $9 billion Bitcoin dump whatever you like, but to the rest of us, it looks, swims, and quacks an awful lot like a duck. And that duck is called quantum computing.